oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
