just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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