Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So vagazzling was a success
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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