I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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