Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
