i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
