Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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