my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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