he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
