so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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