in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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