You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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