Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
