But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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