I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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