Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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