Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize