I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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