My sheets look like a crime scene.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
