I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
