Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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