just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
