im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
