My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
