There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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