Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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