yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
