Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
