just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
