i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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