apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
