I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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