Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
