we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
