Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
