i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
