I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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