i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
