so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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