I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Text me some of your sweat
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