Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
