But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
