Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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