The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
