Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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