I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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