'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
