I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Panties = found
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
