Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
