butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
