cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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