8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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