And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
