a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
