The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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