Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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