how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
