I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
