I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
