I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
