a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
