I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
